5 Ways to Make Your Roommate an Enemy for Life

By Tommy McAuliffe

If you’ve spent any significant amount of time living in a dorm room or in an off-campus apartment, chances are you’ve had to deal with a terrible roommate. Even if you’ve somehow managed to avoid it after all this time, there’s still a chance that you’re a pretty crappy roommate yourself. Now obviously, no one wants to be, or be around, such a dorm room nuisance, so I came up with 5 things to avoid in order to keep your roommate relations intact.

1. Be a slob – As someone who’s lived with both the tidiest neat-freak and the grimiest slob, I can speak on how terrible a messy roommate truly is. While some people are just used to being more organized than others, refusing to take out the trash, even as it is overflowing, is never ok. You might not be worried about the smell turning away potential hook-ups, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is. Also, PLEASE wash your dirty gym socks.
2. Be loud – Sleep is hard to come by in college. When you’ve got three midterms and an essay all due the next day, sometimes a couple hours is all you can get. If your roommate is playing Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare at full blast during those couple of hours, tensions can start to rise. Just put some headphones on.
3. Occupy the room at inconvenient times – We’ve all got needs, I get that, but sometimes a quick wank in the shower is all you need, especially in the middle of a hectic finals week. No one deserves to be woken up and kicked out of the room the night before a big test.
4. Deal drugs out of the dorm room – Financially, college can be a tough time for a lot of students, especially with tuition constantly on the rise, but let’s have some common sense here people. No one wants to deal with Campus PD showing up at the door and who knows how your roommate will react. If you’re going to trap out the dorm room, at least wait until you find a like-minded roommate.
5. Take forever in the bathroom – And now, to the worst crime of all…taking too long in the bathroom. If you’re in a situation with a single, shared toilet and sink, chances are you’re going to have to fight for it. I know sometimes it’s 8 o’clock in the morning and you’re tired, but your roommate probably feels the same way. If you’re the reason they’re late to the presentation they’ve been preparing weeks to give, you might just end up with a pillow that smells of farts. And no one wants a fart-scented pillow.

So yeah, if you’re rooming with your best friend and you don’t want him/her exposing all your deepest, darkest secrets, then avoid these five roommate pitfalls at all costs. Otherwise, follow these five quick tips and you’ll be well on your way to making an enemy for life.

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