Ex Management

By Lev Novak

When it comes to exes, everyone seems to have an opinion or a story. Whatever your situation, people love to pipe in with what you should do, or, more likely, their own personal anecdotes.

This is my turn.

1. Let Go Of Drama

People love complaining about exes- not all of their exes, of course, but “that one.”

Leave that in the past.

When it comes to exes, if you had a bad one, take what you can from it. Take the good times, and obviously, do your best to learn from your experiences. Complain- you’ve earned it- but don’t obsess. If you’re still rehashing an issue from 2011, you’re not really over them, and you’re willingly keeping yourself in the past.

Don’t do it.

If you can, forgive your ex. Laugh it off. These things happen, after all. I’m not talking about dramatic, serious issues, but if you’re complaining about someone who was “omg, the worst,” consider for a moment if they were really the worst or if you’re just a fan of drama. Forgive, forget, and move on.

2. Be Cordial

Be friendly! You slept with someone, and to unfriend them on Facebook now would be a little bit crass.

If things didn’t go dramatically wrong, check in. Be an adult. Say hi. Don’t try to sleep with them, but try to say hello. You’re allowed to care a little bit- you’re even supposed to- and to be able to manage what would otherwise be a difficult situation proves that you’re a mature, competent, and capable person.

3. Keep Up With The Best

Maybe you have an ex who you still kind of like. Things may have fallen off for normal, acceptable reasons. Don’t confuse the world being complicated with needing to make a binary decision. Understand that life is long and they might come back into your life.

So: don’t obsess. Don’t Facebook stalk. But check in. Share texts and IM conversations. You’re allowed to like a person, you know. Binaries of healthy relationships and lifestyles don’t apply for every situation, and for anyone telling you to “cut it off” with an ex, they are right if they’re right. But otherwise, go ahead.

4. Cut Off Anything Unhealthy.

Still pining? Obsessing, mooring? Having intense conversations and daydreams?

Reconcile the relationship, or don’t. Find a middle calm zone, or don’t. Anything is better than a dramatic oscillation. If something isn’t happy or healthy, move on, just like you would in a relationship.

5. Don’t Bad Mouth

Vent to your friends if you have to, work things out, of course, but never bad-mouth an ex. Life is long, and things loop back. And, even if they don’t, saying “this person I loved was awful, and is currently the worst” reflects just as weirdly on you as it does on them.

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