Ten Last-Minute Halloween Costumes That Aren’t Awful

By Lev Novak

Oh geez, I need a costume.

I love Halloween, but I hate planning. Also, without a crew of people nagging me, I forget things. And I forgot to get a costume.

It’s noon on Halloween, I have work, and there’s no way I’m going to a costume store. I have no artistic skills or money, so what am I going to do?

Be awesome.

1. Tinfoil Mummy

Get a thing of tinfoil for about four bucks. Keep it in your backpack. If challenged, or if missing a costume, wrap yourself in it. Congratulations; you’re a mummy from the future- a robo-mummy. It’s somewhat clever, instant, portable, and cheap. Also, it’s a lot better than going as “yourself” or whatever other lame excuse you’re going to come up with. Going in with a mediocre effort is one thing, but if it’s shiny, people are always going to cut you some slack.

2. Dave Keggers

The author Dave Eggers is fun. Wear glasses, and bring some books while chugging a lot. If anyone asks you’re Dave Keggers. It’s a lot more fun than a “nerd” costume, and if anyone gets it, you’ll look smart. Also, at worst, it’s an excuse to drink a bunch. So no worries.

3. A Trick-Or-Treater

It’s meta, but you can get a pillowcase full of candy, and go around trick-or-treating (or giving out candy as “the parent who gives out candy”) as a meta take on not having a costume. It fits the holiday theme, and who’s going to complain about the person that’s giving out the candy?

4. Pete Campbell (Mad Men)

Easy and simple; you wear a suit, gel your hair back (you’re a Pete Campbell, a Don Draper is a disaster waiting to happen) and you add a name-tag. Pretty easy, pretty simple, and a great excuse to drink a lot of whiskey.

5. Any Sort Of Athlete

Add the jersey you have and one prop of what you’re supposed to have (and maybe a headband) and congrats; you have a costume. You won’t win any prizes, but you won’t look like a fun-hating-jerk.

6. A Toga

You had a toga party, right? Wear one for halloween. It sounds wrong, but it’ll look like a sweet costume if you do it right. Plus, you already know how to do it; it would be a shame to let that knowledge only come in handy once.

7. A Time-Traveler

Any retro clothes you have (think neon stuff for the ’80s) can be turned into a Halloween costume if you explain that you’re a time traveler. Stay in character. It’s a costume.

8. Edward Scissorhands

Black turtleneck, white makeup, scissors where your arms should be. Looks super legit, and you have scissors at the party. It’s a win/win.

9. Old Fashioned Ghost

Classic.

10. Your Twitter Feed

Follow attractive people all night while shouting briefly at nobody whatever you’re thinking that moment.

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